party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
