someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
