Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
