First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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