and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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