YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
