If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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