The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
