Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
