You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize