if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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