What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
