is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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