Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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