Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize