Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
