I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
