he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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