Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
