Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I FOUND THE LEGS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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