My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
