my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
