Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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