i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have pet lesbian snakes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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