When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
