I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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