Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
