I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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