nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
