I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
