i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize