i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
