I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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