i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
