dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
