I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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