just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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