I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Panties = found
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