people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
