Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
