now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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