No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
