I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
