I wish I could punch you in the face.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
