Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
