dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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