About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize