I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
