Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
