Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My dick has a subreddit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
