in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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