I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
