The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This house was built for laser tag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
