summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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