Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
