What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
