Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize