I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
