I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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