I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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