I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
