Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize