Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize