i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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