Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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