Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
