Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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