"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
