just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize