im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
