2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
kristin has been a bad kristin
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
