I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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