What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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