Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
